He’s been beavering away on his third album, the imminent ‘Unreasonable Behaviour’, but couldn’t wait to answer your questions about Flat Eric, aerobic videos and the c-word…

Laurent Garnier, arguably the first Frenchman to charm the British music scene since Plastic Bertrand (who was actually Belgian), has been keeping a low profile of late. The man who became famous for his bladder-busting seven-hour sets and live shows featuring young men dancing around with Eiffel Towers on their heads, grounded himself in his Parisian studio to record ‘Unreasonable Behaviour’. And this self-imposed solitude has worked a treat; it’s the album Garnier always threatened to make. With more extravagant live shows promised in March, it looks like this most vocal of French artists is very much back and ready to lead the pack.

When you were the chef at the Dry Bar in Manchester what was your speciality?

Robert Kelly, Stockport

“I was never the chef; I was a waiter. I was running the kitchen. I guess the only day I cooked in the kitchen was on Sunday after the raves. I was the only person basically alive, so I was going straight from the raves to the kitchen to serve breakfast for all the guys.”

Do you still want to record a film soundtrack?

Julie Douglas, London

“Oh yeah. I guess when your readers hear the album they’ll understand I have even more of an intention of doing one because there’s a lot of filmic tracks on there. I’ve already had people talking to me about it. Who would I like to work with? I wouldn’t complain if [David] Lynch came up to me, or if David Cronenberg came up to me. Actually, I’d like to work with new directors. I like to work with people from day one and then move on from there.”

Is it true that the gay promoter of The Haçienda gave you your big DJing break because he fancied you?

Angela via email

“He didn’t fancy me at all. It was because he thought my tape was good. (Angrily) For fuck’s sake. Even if he did who gives a fuck? He gave me a job because he really liked my tape; the decision wasn’t just his.”

Are Sid Vicious’ ‘My Way’ and Donna Summer’s ‘I Feel Love’ still your favourite records of all-time? Added any others recently?

Rupert Markes, Edinburgh

“Sometimes you play music as a therapy. When you’re sad you play sad tracks, when you’re pissed off you play music with so much energy and balls it makes you want to kick the walls and shit. That record has got so much balls. It’s one of my big ones but there’s still records coming up. In electronic music ‘Knights of the Jaguar’ is my record of the year and Terranova’s ‘Close the Door’ is my album of the year.”

Have you got a Flat Eric doll?

Sarah Beeston, London

“I have, but I have to confess it is a collectable one. It’s a present from Mr Oizo. Would I have bought one? No. Will Oizo get any royalties from their sales? I hope so, he bloody invented it.  “

If your wife was to run off with someone tomorrow who would you least like it to be?

Billy via email 

“A wanker.”

Did you have to do National Service?

James Dent, Liverpool

“I did for one year. For six weeks I did the basic training which wasn’t much fun but after that I had a real laugh. Either you take it seriously or you go: ‘You’re all a bunch of fucking arseholes’ and you take advantage of it. Luckily I was a waiter, so I was waiting on the officers – we were pissing in all the sauce, dropping food on the floor, stomping on it and serving it up after. It wasn’t easy but at least I had a good laugh.”

Are you bored of DJing? I haven’t seen you play in England for ages!

Sam Buxton, Cheshire

“I have played. My last gig was last Saturday, mate. I’m concentrating more on the other projects I have to do. Before I did everything at the same time. Now if I think I’m going to do an album I’m going to lock myself away and do an album.  So, I had to cut down on my DJing.”

Do you still like doing seven-hour sets and did you ever get caught out when nature called?

Eddie Weller, Manchester

“I have a couple of long records, I still have ‘Acid Eiffel’ so if nature is not happy with me I can still go to the loo. There’s always someone around to put the next record on.”  

Does Jeff Mills know any good jokes?

Paul Anthony, Slough

“You should ask him. Jeff Mills is a great friend of mine and he’s one of those people I love to speak to for hours. Maybe some people won’t get his jokes. Some people don’t like English humour.”

You’ve always incorporated different styles into your sets – have you been listening to any breakbeat stuff like Adam Freeland?

Andrew Bennet, Birmingham

“Yeah, I really like it actually. It’s very interesting but it’s not new. Do you remember a label called Network? Well, they were releasing compilations called ‘Biorhythms’ and it’s not very far from what Adam Freeland’s done because it’s basically drum’n’bass and breakbeat. Do you know a label called D-Zone from years and years ago? The D-Zone label was exactly like that too. It was a really good English label; it was early breakbeat with Detroit moody strings.  Really good shit.”

I believe you go to the cinema as often as you can. What are your five favourite films?

Cathy Purves via email

“These may not be my favourites but let me think of five films that really affected me. It would have to be ‘eXistenZ’ by David Cronenberg and ‘Santa Sangre’. ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’ – I’m a big fan of Johnny Depp, he’s got balls, everything he does he does it really good. I still like ‘The Big Blue’, it’s a beautiful movie. There’s a lot of emotion in that.   Let’s see, something a little lighter, something funny. ‘Funny Bones’, that was absolutely hilarious. I love black humour. The acting is amazing, Lee Evans is the new Jerry Lewis.   There’s a lot of feeling in that movie. I went to see it three times at the cinema and I bought the videotape.”

You are 40 and making muzak for aerobics.  How would you like to die?

Russell via email

(Laughs) “I’m 40 and making muzak for aerobic videos?! I would like to die straight there! I would like a massive meteorite falling from the sky and squashing my face. If ever I do this shit make sure I die!”

What do you think of your pals Mr C and Layo’s ‘modern British’ restaurant?

Andy via email

“I think the food gets better and better. It’s a very good restaurant. I went to a couple of supposedly trendy restaurants in London and the biggest problem is the noise. But apart from that the food at their restaurant is extremely good quality. But you know that Paris is not the leading city in Europe anymore? London is. In London chefs know how to create. In Paris they are very stubborn. They stick to the old recipes; they don’t move on. Londoners kick arse.  “

You seem to swear a lot in interviews. Do you ever stoop to using the c-word?

Peter Francis, London

“Cunt? Cunt in French is not half as strong as it is in English. Sometimes I use it because I think in French first and then I translate, but I don’t use it much now because I know from hanging around in England it is a very strong word. In France we use it as much as you would use fuck. We usually call a woman’s bits her fanny. I don’t swear as much as anybody in England, everyone’s like, ‘fuckin’ this’ and ‘fuckin’ that’.”

Having lived in Manchester and London for periods of your life what do you miss most about both cities and what keeps you in Paris?

Sara Levy via email

“Paris is definitely not my dream city. It is a city for old people. The only thing that keeps me in Paris is my friends, my relatives and how beautiful Paris looks. Paris is full of wankers as well so it is not the city I would consider growing old in. I’m sure in a few years I’ll be living in Barcelona. What do I miss about London? The street life. You can go out every night and there’s always something to do and you don’t have to be in the fashion trade or a VIP to get in like you do in Paris. Paris is full of shite. I miss the eccentricities of London too. I miss the nice people in Manchester. You go into a shop and it’s ‘Alright, love?’. They make you feel very welcome. It’s funny because you get a lot of gangs and a lot of violence there too.”

I’ve read you can do a good Cockney accent. Do you know any rhyming slang?

Ross Brown, London

“No. The only ones I know I can’t say because they’re really not nice.”

Where did the title ‘Crispy Bacon’ come from?

Daniel Naismith, Wolverhampton

“From nowhere. It’s the same as ‘Big Babou’. Actually, I fucked up because when I pictured the title it was of sizzling bacon. Bacon sizzling in a frying pan. But because my English isn’t one hundred per cent I fucked up. When I said to Jeff Mills ‘I’m going to call the track ‘Crispy Bacon’ he said: ‘You’ve gotta change that’. So, because he took it quite seriously I thought: ‘I’m gonna keep that’.”

Your live shows are very extravagant and camp. Were there any ideas you couldn’t afford to incorporate?

Clare Bond, Birmingham

“Tons of ideas. I don’t know whether they were camp though. I suppose some people said it was camp and liked it. I like a bit of campness because techno takes itself too seriously; it has lost the campness of piano tunes over the years, a couple of laughing tunes.”

If there was a war on would you be any good or would you be as shit as the rest of your countrymen?

Luke via email

“I don’t think my countrymen would be shit. That is a very old prejudice. But I don’t know if I’d defend my country any more than Britain or Holland. I’d fight for Europe, that’s for sure. I feel really European.”

Who makes you green with envy out of the following: Thomas Bangalter, Kid Loco, Philippe Zdar?

Steve Moss, Liverpool

“I am not jealous of people. It must be a very shallow person who’s asked you that because that person hasn’t understood that the whole thing with our scene is it is quite cool. There is no competition between us. Thomas does it for the love of music, Kid Loco I don’t know and Philippe Zdar for sure does it for the love of music. How can I be jealous? We’re all friends.”

Have you ever re-enacted a ‘Star Wars’ light sabre fight with a mate over a urinal?

Bobby via email

“What? No, I haven’t. I’m not a ‘Star Wars’ fan anyway.”

What five tracks of yours would you like sealed in a time capsule in the ‘Blue Peter’ garden for the people of Y3K to enjoy?

Julie Dorrel, Manchester

“‘Acid Eiffel’, ‘Downfall’ on the new album and maybe ‘The Man With the Red Face’. The remix I did for Gilb’R of ‘Pressure’.  Off ‘30’ I’d say ‘Format’, and from the first single I did for FNAC I’d choose the minimal mix of ‘Join Hands’.”

Is your new album worth buying?

Craig, Glasgow

“You tell me. At the end of the day, I had a wonderful time doing it. Maybe that guy should email me in a month.”

What’s your email address then?

“Ha, ha, ha. Goodbye.”

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